The Walk

A chill runs through the open window on the right of my bed's headboard. My eyes open slowly to a setting sun. I don't remember seeing the sun from this window. I don't remember many things. I don't remember how to treat my wife well, or how she cared for me in spite of my eccentricities. I should be grateful. Mostly, I am not.

I look around my room. It is generally messy, coffee cups crowding my workstation, monitors blinking with whatever I'm building. They are off now, the monitors, the laptop. Everything is arranged neatly. Uncluttered. The way it should be. Pristine.

A small movement at the corner of my eye startles me. It is her. My wife, just standing there, as if she has been waiting for me to meet her eyes.

"You scared me," I say, relieved.

She looks different from her usual smile. "I didn't mean to," she says sombrely.

I take a step forward to hug her. She steps back, raising her hand, her countenance unchanged.

"Are you still mad at me?" I ask, hoping she will say no. She looks into my eyes with pity, walks to the door, opens it, and tilts her head for me to follow.

I walk.

"Where's Marly?" I ask. Marly is our happy puppy; it is unusual for her not to pounce on us the moment she knows we're around.

"She's in the backyard. You know she loves to play there," my wife says as I take the stairs down to the drawing room. The hall is so well lit it feels like walking into someone else's house. None of Marly's toys on the floor. None of my instruments lying on the couch.

"Do you want chai? With ginger... lots of it?" She smiles.

"Yes, yes... thank you," I say, almost excited.

"I made it before you woke." She pours the tea into my favourite cup. I almost leap at it.

"It tastes so good. Thank you so much," I say, sipping eagerly, as if I'm having it for the first time. She smiles, less pity in it than a while ago. I drink like a thirsty crow.

"Is there more? A second round?" I laugh, saying it out loud. She chuckles and pours me another cup of hot ginger tea. I sip with less rush this time. She watches me, enjoying it.

"Do you want some?" I hold my cup near her lips.

"No, I had—" she says, gently pushing the cup back to mine.

I can hear Marly barking, her little huffs, but I can't see her from where I sit.

"Oh, she's active today," I say, craning for a glimpse.

"Do you want to go for a walk? Or stay in a little longer?" she asks.

"Yeah, sure, let's go." I grab Marly's leash.

"No. Just us." She gently holds my wrist, takes the leash from my hand, and places it back on its hook. I nod.

We take a few steps out of the house. She looks back at it, as if admiring it.

"We have a lovely house, don't we?" I say, elbowing her playfully. She nods and turns to walk. I follow. It is quiet today, no one playing on the kids' ground. She looks at me and keeps walking. I catch up with her, scrambling through my pockets for my wallet.

"What are you looking for?" she asks.

"My wallet. I left it at home. Let me quickly grab it." I turn around.

I can't. I can't turn.

My head still moves. I look back over my shoulder for our house. A long row of houses, all alike. I can't find ours.

"Which one is ours?" My voice cracks.

She signals me to keep walking.

A chill runs down my spine. Despair starts sprawling through my body. I stay motionless for a second. I look at my wife, asking. She signals me again to walk with her. I take a step forward and try to retrace it. I can't. My eyes well up.

"What's happening?" I say, almost pleading. "Why can't I remember Marly's face?"

She walks the few steps back to me, takes my arm in hers, and wipes a tear from my cheek. I walk, looking at her.

"I'm sorry I fought. I'm sorry I wasn't a good husband." I break down apologising, still walking, her arm in mine.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologise anymore." She tries to say it with a smile.

I sob.

"A few more steps," she prompts.

"I'm working on a project, you know..." I try to swallow the cry. There was a reason I built things. I can't reach it.

"My mom..." I reach for her name and find only a shape. No face, no name. Tears stream down my cheek.

I look behind me, knowing something is there for me, unable to pin what it is. I nod and walk on willingly, matching her pace. After a few more steps, I look her in the eyes. A knowing face.

"Do I know you?... You look familiar."